A lot of time, girls say “Let’s just be friends” to guys as a rejection of their proposal. For me, when I say it, I really mean it. I really mean to be his friend and from my point of view, it’s better that way: pure friends, no romance involved. Unfortunately, some guys can’t face the reality; they remain silent and then disappear from my life. That’s a pity.
When I say, “Let’s just be friends”, it means that I’m not attracted to him in many ways – it can be physically, emotionally, etc. I don’t feel like seeing him everyday, missing him, nor addicted to him. Also don’t have the passions to kiss, hug him, etc. No way.
A relationship with a guy in the “Just Friends” box can get complicated when he can’t accept the fact that I don’t want to be his girlfriend. Some guys can be very obsessive and it’s scary. This type of guy feels more challenged when a girl rejects him. As a result, he can send us sms hundred of times a day, call us up thousand of times a day, and when we don’t pick up the phone, he will keep on trying. The worst thing is that he becomes your stalker. Ouch!!!
For this type of guy, it’s very obvious that I can’t stand to be his friend coz he’s simply annoying and scares me as hell. So, how do I react and feel to this obsessive type of “Just Friends”?
• Don’t reply to his sms
• Don’t pick up to his phone calls [maybe I will pick it up once, but not ALL his phone calls]
• Find excuses for any dinner or lunch invitation
• Don’t sound excited on the phone
• Feel annoyed and disturbed
• As much as I can, I don’t want to be in touch with him
• If his behavior is getting worse, I’ll be frank to him and say that he’s already disturbing and it’s better not to contact me anymore [am good at it]
• Will ask him to find a girlfriend or potential gf and stop bothering me.
On the other hand, if the guy can accept the reality and take my offer to be friends, this is how I will react and feel:
• Will be happy to see and share any stories with him
• Will be friendly on the phone
• Will be a good listener for him as well and provide counsel in love department whenever he needs it
• Will treat him as a good friend of mine
• Will respect him for his BIG heart
• As time goes by, I’ll mention about whose inside my Potential Boyfriend box and ask his opinion. It won’t hurt him anymore as he already becomes my best friend
So, as we can see, it’s better off to accept the reality, as we will not loose a friend. Instead, we’ll get a new best friend whom we can share our thoughts with.
Usually, guys don’t realize that their behaviors influence the way the girls’ treat them. Hopefully, the examples above make us realize that all we need is a BIG HEART. Having a big heart enables us to cherish the friendships, without wanting to have more out of it. It simply enables us to see a person from a different perspective… and it’s wonderful, you’ll see ☺.
It also works for me if a guy in the Potential Boyfriend box apparently doesn’t worth it. As I mentioned before, I will move him to the “Just Friends” box right away. By seeing him as a normal friend, my heart feels much more at ease. I don’t wait for his phone calls/sms/email anymore. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t contact me. Just like our friends, we will be happy to talk to them, but they don’t have to call us everyday, right?
So, hearing no news from him is no longer a torture for me. And I feel really good about it. I’ve made a good decision, I think ☺. At the end, I can admire him truly as a friend and feel grateful for that. It means that now I can see him from a different angle… which is much more pleasurable… ☺. Believe me.
So, Potential Boyfriend-Toy Boy-Just Friends, which one is the most difficult to handle? ;)
My answer will be: the Potential Boyfriend. Potential Bf absorbs my attention and energy at most. He can make my world turns upside down, which is not funny at all, if am not in the mood for taking a roller coaster ride. He can make me feel ‘head over hills’ if I know that he has the same strong feelings toward me. Which is a great feeling to have, of course! He can easily turn me down, however, only by a small unfavorable thing that he does. It’s quite exhausting. So, I have to be in a good condition, emotionally, to be able to handle these kinds of stuffs. If he’s really worth all the dizziness, then I’ll take my roller coaster ride ☺.
Well then, I have to excuse myself now. Hopefully the last three posts can entertain everyone who reads it! Take it easy… ☺
TOY BOY
What is a toy boy? Toy boy/boy toy/boy material/whatever you name it is a non-commitment partner whom I share interests and certain activities together [but not all activities, otherwise, I will put him in a “Potential Boyfriend” box!]
Obviously, a toy boy meets some criteria of a boyfriend to be, but not all. Most of the time, we are just physically attracted. So, it doesn’t influence a deep feeling at all. Far from the “L” word [read: Love].
Based on experiences, my relationship with a toy boy was purely for fun. A toy boy can be so amusing, amazingly gorgeous and good-looking, yet we speak different language, meaning: we don’t share any interests at all or have to think hard on a topic for discussion every time we meet. But, a toy boy can also very fun to be with, share a lot of interests, yet not good enough to be put in a “Potential Boyfriend” box coz either he doesn’t have the same vision of life or he’s not taking life seriously. Not matured enough. It’s pretty tiring to assist, telling what to do, provide solutions to any problem to someone who simply hasn’t matured enough. I’ve been there before and am not going there again. I don’t want to act like a mommy, sorry to say, but that’s not my favorite thing. Instead, I want a guy whom I can rely on when I have problems.. It will be ideal if it works both ways.
Normally, a relationship with a toy boy is very flirtatious. We love to flirt. It’s fun. If I can explain, it’s like a time when a guy tries to approach a girl, tries to do anything that will impress her, vice versa. But, with a toy boy, these things happen continuously. Never stop. Which is fun. Right? ;)
With a toy boy, everything goes very fast. Instant. Why is it like that? It’s because, normally, we both know that the “relationship” doesn’t go anywhere. No future. Realizing it, it makes life easier. That’s why we both can enjoy the companionship to the fullest.
How do I act when meeting a toy boy?
• Flirt [and vice versa!]
• Say yes to any date invitation, but don’t really take it seriously and also, it depends on my mood
• Have a good time together
• Can do stupid things in front of him.. don’t really have to BEHAVE. Hahaha..
• When I’m alone, I don’t think of him. I never bother to think what he’s doing when we don’t see each other [on the contrary, I think a lot about a Potential Boyfriend]
• Will tell him if I there was any guy inside my Potential Boyfriend box.
How do I feel when meeting a toy boy?
• Happy, coz we both enjoy the time that we spend together
• Feel happy when he’s around, but I also feel OK when he’s not around
• Feel OK to contact him first, don’t feel nervous when doing it
• Less sense of urgency, in terms of, e.g.: don’t feel urge to reply to his sms right away [he can wait.. hehehe] ;)
• Don’t feel jealous
• Don’t feel sad if there’s no calls or messages from him [takes everything more easily]
• Will feel bored after sometime.. especially if we meet too often
• Always need a break, especially when the relationship is getting too intense
A lot of my friends [guys] share their love stories and ask for my opinion. Some of them are confused of their Potential Girlfriends’ behavior. The girls seem to like them and show the passions, but when the guys talk about taking a step further [read: going steady, committed relationship], the girls don’t seem interested at all. They refuse ‘the offer’ implicitly. However, they remain sweet and never say NO to any date invitation. Pretty confusing, huh?
Let me tell you something. Girls love to keep their toy boys in the box. So do I. It feels good to have admirers ;) and we don’t want to loose them. That’s why we maintain the sweet relationships with the toy boys. So, if you see any sign that you were treated as a toy boy, it’s up to you whether you still want to continue chasing her and fight till the end [the ultimate goal: be her BOYFRIEND], or to give up and leave her alone. It’s all up to you. Anyway, she won’t miss you that much [ouch! reality bites]. Other choice is accepting the fact that your status is just a toy boy. Look at the bright side: you can also do the same thing. In this case, both parties are happy. Problem’s solved ☺. Full stop.
One can have many toy boys inside the “Toy Boy” box while having a Potential Boyfriend at the same time, as long as the latter hasn’t transformed into a so called boyfriend. So, there are no limitations here and no one can complaint as there are no strings attached.
What I like from having a “Toy Boy” box is that this box can brighten up my day in the middle of the hustle and bustle of my heavy workload, without occupying too much space in my mind. The box is also not powerful enough to influence my emotional feelings. So, when one of the guys from the box is acting like a jerk, annoying or disturbing, it won’t bother me at all [maybe only a bit]. I can always turn around and walk away… But, actually, this thing seldom happens as our days together are normally filled with bright colors, laughter and the three letters: F.U.N. Everything is so light and easy. Which sometimes, that’s what we need. ☺
(next post: what’s inside the “Just Friends” box?) .. to be continue..
Obviously, a toy boy meets some criteria of a boyfriend to be, but not all. Most of the time, we are just physically attracted. So, it doesn’t influence a deep feeling at all. Far from the “L” word [read: Love].
Based on experiences, my relationship with a toy boy was purely for fun. A toy boy can be so amusing, amazingly gorgeous and good-looking, yet we speak different language, meaning: we don’t share any interests at all or have to think hard on a topic for discussion every time we meet. But, a toy boy can also very fun to be with, share a lot of interests, yet not good enough to be put in a “Potential Boyfriend” box coz either he doesn’t have the same vision of life or he’s not taking life seriously. Not matured enough. It’s pretty tiring to assist, telling what to do, provide solutions to any problem to someone who simply hasn’t matured enough. I’ve been there before and am not going there again. I don’t want to act like a mommy, sorry to say, but that’s not my favorite thing. Instead, I want a guy whom I can rely on when I have problems.. It will be ideal if it works both ways.
Normally, a relationship with a toy boy is very flirtatious. We love to flirt. It’s fun. If I can explain, it’s like a time when a guy tries to approach a girl, tries to do anything that will impress her, vice versa. But, with a toy boy, these things happen continuously. Never stop. Which is fun. Right? ;)
With a toy boy, everything goes very fast. Instant. Why is it like that? It’s because, normally, we both know that the “relationship” doesn’t go anywhere. No future. Realizing it, it makes life easier. That’s why we both can enjoy the companionship to the fullest.
How do I act when meeting a toy boy?
• Flirt [and vice versa!]
• Say yes to any date invitation, but don’t really take it seriously and also, it depends on my mood
• Have a good time together
• Can do stupid things in front of him.. don’t really have to BEHAVE. Hahaha..
• When I’m alone, I don’t think of him. I never bother to think what he’s doing when we don’t see each other [on the contrary, I think a lot about a Potential Boyfriend]
• Will tell him if I there was any guy inside my Potential Boyfriend box.
How do I feel when meeting a toy boy?
• Happy, coz we both enjoy the time that we spend together
• Feel happy when he’s around, but I also feel OK when he’s not around
• Feel OK to contact him first, don’t feel nervous when doing it
• Less sense of urgency, in terms of, e.g.: don’t feel urge to reply to his sms right away [he can wait.. hehehe] ;)
• Don’t feel jealous
• Don’t feel sad if there’s no calls or messages from him [takes everything more easily]
• Will feel bored after sometime.. especially if we meet too often
• Always need a break, especially when the relationship is getting too intense
A lot of my friends [guys] share their love stories and ask for my opinion. Some of them are confused of their Potential Girlfriends’ behavior. The girls seem to like them and show the passions, but when the guys talk about taking a step further [read: going steady, committed relationship], the girls don’t seem interested at all. They refuse ‘the offer’ implicitly. However, they remain sweet and never say NO to any date invitation. Pretty confusing, huh?
Let me tell you something. Girls love to keep their toy boys in the box. So do I. It feels good to have admirers ;) and we don’t want to loose them. That’s why we maintain the sweet relationships with the toy boys. So, if you see any sign that you were treated as a toy boy, it’s up to you whether you still want to continue chasing her and fight till the end [the ultimate goal: be her BOYFRIEND], or to give up and leave her alone. It’s all up to you. Anyway, she won’t miss you that much [ouch! reality bites]. Other choice is accepting the fact that your status is just a toy boy. Look at the bright side: you can also do the same thing. In this case, both parties are happy. Problem’s solved ☺. Full stop.
One can have many toy boys inside the “Toy Boy” box while having a Potential Boyfriend at the same time, as long as the latter hasn’t transformed into a so called boyfriend. So, there are no limitations here and no one can complaint as there are no strings attached.
What I like from having a “Toy Boy” box is that this box can brighten up my day in the middle of the hustle and bustle of my heavy workload, without occupying too much space in my mind. The box is also not powerful enough to influence my emotional feelings. So, when one of the guys from the box is acting like a jerk, annoying or disturbing, it won’t bother me at all [maybe only a bit]. I can always turn around and walk away… But, actually, this thing seldom happens as our days together are normally filled with bright colors, laughter and the three letters: F.U.N. Everything is so light and easy. Which sometimes, that’s what we need. ☺
(next post: what’s inside the “Just Friends” box?) .. to be continue..
PoTenTiaL BoyFriEnD, ToY BoY or JuSt FRiEnDS?
Girls react differently to different type of guys. A lot of time guys do not have any idea on how we [girls] think. A lot of time guys get wrong impression from the way we behave. Below are some insights for you guys, so that you have some hints when approaching a girl that you adore ;)
POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND:
When girls meet a guy who is smart, nice, friendly, humorous, independent, easy-going, has a good attitude, and not boring [in the sense of: we can discuss anything with him!], we might want to get to know him better and wish to get closer with him. Especially if the guy meets all the requirements to be our so called boyfriend.
Yes, admit it or not, girls do have some requirements for a BOYFRIEND. Every girl has different criteria and the criteria that I mentioned above are the must-have-characters of my boyfriend to be :).
When meeting the guy who has all the criteria, I have a sort of “alarm” in my mind and will automatically categorize and put him in a “Potential Boyfriend” box... and keep it there.
This is how I normally react when meeting a “Potential Boyfriend”:
• Will be cheerful, even more cheerful than I’m used to
• Will say YES to any dinner invitation
• Will reply to his sms right away [except when I’m on a meeting]
• On the phone, I’ll be a good listener for him
• Will not do any stupid things in front of him
• Being extra careful in whatever I do [this will include kissing scenes and other activities that involves romance] and sometimes playing hard to get [of course, girls don’t want the guy to think that we’re an “easy” type of girls who can easily fall for someone and do anything to make him happy and “satisfied”… well, maybe some girls won’t agree with me, but I believe with the phrase “easy come easy go”. So, I personally won’t do anything that I might regret in the future]
• Will not mention about other guy in the Potential Boyfriend box, if there’s any. [hey, it’s legal to have several candidates!]
How do I feel when I meet my “potential boyfriend”?
• Nervous, that’s for sure!
• Will think twice, three times or even four times before sending sms, phone calls or email to him
• A lot of time I cancelled all the desires and attempts to send sms or to call him
• Feel hesitate to contact him first [I wait for him to contact me first! Maybe it sounds so conservative as we live in a digital age.. heukekeke.. but, hey… I’m just being me!] If at the end I’m the one who contact him first, it must be a result from the action no. 2 [please see the second bullet points]. And believe me, it’s not an easy thing to do!
Lately, I find it difficult to fill in my “Potential Boyfriend” box. I met some of the potential ones, but as time goes by, either I felt bored with them, they didn’t have self-confidence to go after me, or they just wanted to play around. For the first and second type of guy, I will just simply move them from the “Potential Boyfriend” box to “Just Friends” box. But, for the third one, I will move them to another box, which is a “Toy Boy” box.
What is a “Toy Boy”, by the way? (to be continue)
POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND:
When girls meet a guy who is smart, nice, friendly, humorous, independent, easy-going, has a good attitude, and not boring [in the sense of: we can discuss anything with him!], we might want to get to know him better and wish to get closer with him. Especially if the guy meets all the requirements to be our so called boyfriend.
Yes, admit it or not, girls do have some requirements for a BOYFRIEND. Every girl has different criteria and the criteria that I mentioned above are the must-have-characters of my boyfriend to be :).
When meeting the guy who has all the criteria, I have a sort of “alarm” in my mind and will automatically categorize and put him in a “Potential Boyfriend” box... and keep it there.
This is how I normally react when meeting a “Potential Boyfriend”:
• Will be cheerful, even more cheerful than I’m used to
• Will say YES to any dinner invitation
• Will reply to his sms right away [except when I’m on a meeting]
• On the phone, I’ll be a good listener for him
• Will not do any stupid things in front of him
• Being extra careful in whatever I do [this will include kissing scenes and other activities that involves romance] and sometimes playing hard to get [of course, girls don’t want the guy to think that we’re an “easy” type of girls who can easily fall for someone and do anything to make him happy and “satisfied”… well, maybe some girls won’t agree with me, but I believe with the phrase “easy come easy go”. So, I personally won’t do anything that I might regret in the future]
• Will not mention about other guy in the Potential Boyfriend box, if there’s any. [hey, it’s legal to have several candidates!]
How do I feel when I meet my “potential boyfriend”?
• Nervous, that’s for sure!
• Will think twice, three times or even four times before sending sms, phone calls or email to him
• A lot of time I cancelled all the desires and attempts to send sms or to call him
• Feel hesitate to contact him first [I wait for him to contact me first! Maybe it sounds so conservative as we live in a digital age.. heukekeke.. but, hey… I’m just being me!] If at the end I’m the one who contact him first, it must be a result from the action no. 2 [please see the second bullet points]. And believe me, it’s not an easy thing to do!
Lately, I find it difficult to fill in my “Potential Boyfriend” box. I met some of the potential ones, but as time goes by, either I felt bored with them, they didn’t have self-confidence to go after me, or they just wanted to play around. For the first and second type of guy, I will just simply move them from the “Potential Boyfriend” box to “Just Friends” box. But, for the third one, I will move them to another box, which is a “Toy Boy” box.
What is a “Toy Boy”, by the way? (to be continue)
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