Two weeks ago I became 30. For those who are above 30, you must laugh at my age and say, “Oohh.. you’re still a baby, don’t worry, dear.. 30s is wonderful”. But, for those who haven’t reached this age yet, you must be wondering how does it feel of being 30?
For a woman, being 30 is quite a big deal coz now we cannot say that we’re 20s anymore.
Some of my girl friends who are on the same age like me were worried by the fact that now we’re “that young” anymore. I guess, for me, it depends on how we see it and from whose perspectives. If you ask a girl in her 17, of course she will say, “Oh my God, you’re so old”. But if you ask a woman in her 40s, then she will say, “Darling, you’re at the best age of being a woman” ☺.
In my own dictionary of semiology, I see 30 as being more matured, sophisticated, more wise, still young.. .and also it reflects opportunities.
Matured because obviously I’m not a teenager anymore. Wise, because I’ve been through some precious experiences throughout my life. Young, because I think there are still lots of opportunities and lessons to be learned in life… and I feel young because I haven’t experienced them all..
I’ll take my time, as I will not pick fruit while it is still green…
I remember sitting in my bedroom before midnight on my birthday and thought about what have I done and happened in life. I felt blessed and grateful for all the wonderful things in my life, since I was a kid (of course I couldn’t remember how did it feel like when I was a baby. I think my memory of my childhood started when I was 3 years old. Still remember my 3rd birthday party, when I had “bisul” on my forehead because I used to eat too much eggs :P). I felt grateful for having lovely parents and interesting brothers (I said interesting coz both of them have totally different personalities and sometimes I have to argue with them on certain things), for being able to go to school in Jakarta til high school, for the 4 years of student life in Bandung, for the 2 years living in Amsterdam surrounded by people from all over the world, for the wonderful friends with different characters everywhere, for the achievements, jobs and everything. Also for the problems and difficulties in life as they taught me on how to deal with obstacles and make me wiser (amen!).
Every single thing is meaningful. Even in times of difficulties, I see it as an opportunity to grow myself. Of course sometimes I make mistake and have to pay the price for it. And it ain't easy. Or sometimes, some of us feel that we’re wasting time for doing something only to end back where we started. For me, everything happens for a reason. There must be something that I have to learn behind everything. The key is not to allow myself to be discouraged.
Always takes everything as a challenge and opportunity to become a better person, a better human being in this planet. A better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better colleague, a better partner (once I have a bf.. hehe!), as I believe that each individual action affects everyone on the planet. And I am what I am now also because of them. Although of course I have some basic characters, they take part in in building my personalities and characters as well. So, I’m very grateful for that. Thankful for meeting and interacting with everyone whom I’ve met and taught me about the beauty of life.
So, being 30 is a good thing, as it will provide me with more opportunities and unexpected things that might come along the way, yet with more clarity. And I can’t wait to experience what’s more to come… also to see more pieces of God’s elements in every single person that I meet…
"Warrior Of The Light"
Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed that he was not a Warrior of the Light
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties
Every Warrior of the Light has said "yes" when he wanted to say "no"
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved
That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is...
*"Warrior of The Light: A Manual", by Paulo Coelho*
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed that he was not a Warrior of the Light
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties
Every Warrior of the Light has said "yes" when he wanted to say "no"
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved
That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is...
*"Warrior of The Light: A Manual", by Paulo Coelho*
“IF I KNEW THAT I WOULD DIE SOON..”
Sunday, April 23, 2006 5:30am
Just got back from DJ Tiesto’s (the world’s number 1 dj at the moment, he’s from Holland) performance @ Pantai Carnival, Ancol with Ingkan, Sabrina, Nadia, Marthijn. Fifi and Eba. We had a blast there! Loved the music. Well done, Tiesto! ☺ You’ve entertained all of us here in Jakarta! (huehehe… as if he reads this blog :P, hey.. who knows!) ;)
I don’t feel sleepy yet. My eyes are still wide open. I feel like writing something, but there are too many topics in my head that can be discussed here. Hmm.. OK, let’s discuss about “death”.
As human beings, we are attached with some values, rules, ethics, etc. There are things that we are not allowed to do, or at least, people would consider it as a negative thing, or even a taboo. Things that can make us feel ashamed of doing, because other people think so.
In life, we care so much about pride, ego and image. What will people think about us, if we do …? This question pops up so many times in our mind now and then.
Now. The question is… what if you happen to know that you will die in two months?
What will you do then? I think, if that happens to me, I will do lots of things that I’ve never done before but always wanted to do (of course!, that’s an easy answer and I’m sure most people will have the same answer)
But this time, I will not write down all the things that I’d like to do in those short two months period, coz the list will be loooong :p. Hehhee..
I think, the most important thing to realize is that all of a sudden, the importance of keeping my pride and ego at a certain level is vanished! All of a sudden, I don’t care of what other people will think. I don’t care whether my actions will embarrassed myself and make my pride goes down to the lowest level. I won’t care.
For example, I will tell the guy whom I love so much, but never have the guts to tell him my feelings all these time only because I’m holding too much on my pride and ego. This time, I won’t care. Those kinds of things are not an issue anymore. I will soon be dead anyway. I’ve got nothing to loose. So, why bother about pride and ego?
I’m wondering, if everyone doesn’t really care about pride, ego and image so much, then the world will be a nicer place to live. Everyone will be more honest and sincere to each other, there’s nothing to hide, no masks to put on, everything is transparent. People can tell truth to each other (even if they’re corrupted! But if we go further, actually, they corrupt because they want to build a high profile image in the society. They want to be seen wealthy, although in fact they aren’t! So, if they can be proud of their true identity and accepted by the society just as they are… no different treatment or whatsoever in the society, then there’s no need to corrupt, they can be more honest to everyone… and most importantly to themselves..). People can express themselves better, for example, kissing the same sex on the street (so, the gay community doesn’t have to worry on the society’s negative judgment toward gay issues), criticizing the government without having the fear to be kidnapped or getting “warning” from the company that we work for being too vocal in criticizing the management, and so on and so forth.
If that happens, then I think the world will be livelier! I’m not talking whether everything will be more organized, but at least we can be more honest and the relationships between each human being is more sincere and pure. We listen to our heart more and act like a child, in the sense of honesty and purity. No tricky and mind games coz simply there’s no need to have one. Everything is transparent. Although sometimes it hurts to know the truth, but time will heal. Like a child, we cry out loud when we’re in pain, but after that, we stop crying and go back to the playing ground again. Start laughing with friends and new friends… discovering new things together with them.. or even alone.
So, why can’t we be like a child anymore? As time goes by, we become grown ups and busy with tight schedules. Our life suddenly surrounded by certain values, norms, unwritten rules. Things that we should and shouldn’t do nor say to maintain our pride, ego and image. Yet, back to the first question on this post, when your time is up, will you still bother about pride, ego and image anymore? Are these things still important to you as you’ll soon be dead anyway? …
Just got back from DJ Tiesto’s (the world’s number 1 dj at the moment, he’s from Holland) performance @ Pantai Carnival, Ancol with Ingkan, Sabrina, Nadia, Marthijn. Fifi and Eba. We had a blast there! Loved the music. Well done, Tiesto! ☺ You’ve entertained all of us here in Jakarta! (huehehe… as if he reads this blog :P, hey.. who knows!) ;)
I don’t feel sleepy yet. My eyes are still wide open. I feel like writing something, but there are too many topics in my head that can be discussed here. Hmm.. OK, let’s discuss about “death”.
As human beings, we are attached with some values, rules, ethics, etc. There are things that we are not allowed to do, or at least, people would consider it as a negative thing, or even a taboo. Things that can make us feel ashamed of doing, because other people think so.
In life, we care so much about pride, ego and image. What will people think about us, if we do …? This question pops up so many times in our mind now and then.
Now. The question is… what if you happen to know that you will die in two months?
What will you do then? I think, if that happens to me, I will do lots of things that I’ve never done before but always wanted to do (of course!, that’s an easy answer and I’m sure most people will have the same answer)
But this time, I will not write down all the things that I’d like to do in those short two months period, coz the list will be loooong :p. Hehhee..
I think, the most important thing to realize is that all of a sudden, the importance of keeping my pride and ego at a certain level is vanished! All of a sudden, I don’t care of what other people will think. I don’t care whether my actions will embarrassed myself and make my pride goes down to the lowest level. I won’t care.
For example, I will tell the guy whom I love so much, but never have the guts to tell him my feelings all these time only because I’m holding too much on my pride and ego. This time, I won’t care. Those kinds of things are not an issue anymore. I will soon be dead anyway. I’ve got nothing to loose. So, why bother about pride and ego?
I’m wondering, if everyone doesn’t really care about pride, ego and image so much, then the world will be a nicer place to live. Everyone will be more honest and sincere to each other, there’s nothing to hide, no masks to put on, everything is transparent. People can tell truth to each other (even if they’re corrupted! But if we go further, actually, they corrupt because they want to build a high profile image in the society. They want to be seen wealthy, although in fact they aren’t! So, if they can be proud of their true identity and accepted by the society just as they are… no different treatment or whatsoever in the society, then there’s no need to corrupt, they can be more honest to everyone… and most importantly to themselves..). People can express themselves better, for example, kissing the same sex on the street (so, the gay community doesn’t have to worry on the society’s negative judgment toward gay issues), criticizing the government without having the fear to be kidnapped or getting “warning” from the company that we work for being too vocal in criticizing the management, and so on and so forth.
If that happens, then I think the world will be livelier! I’m not talking whether everything will be more organized, but at least we can be more honest and the relationships between each human being is more sincere and pure. We listen to our heart more and act like a child, in the sense of honesty and purity. No tricky and mind games coz simply there’s no need to have one. Everything is transparent. Although sometimes it hurts to know the truth, but time will heal. Like a child, we cry out loud when we’re in pain, but after that, we stop crying and go back to the playing ground again. Start laughing with friends and new friends… discovering new things together with them.. or even alone.
So, why can’t we be like a child anymore? As time goes by, we become grown ups and busy with tight schedules. Our life suddenly surrounded by certain values, norms, unwritten rules. Things that we should and shouldn’t do nor say to maintain our pride, ego and image. Yet, back to the first question on this post, when your time is up, will you still bother about pride, ego and image anymore? Are these things still important to you as you’ll soon be dead anyway? …
JUST F.R.I.E.N.D.S
A lot of time, girls say “Let’s just be friends” to guys as a rejection of their proposal. For me, when I say it, I really mean it. I really mean to be his friend and from my point of view, it’s better that way: pure friends, no romance involved. Unfortunately, some guys can’t face the reality; they remain silent and then disappear from my life. That’s a pity.
When I say, “Let’s just be friends”, it means that I’m not attracted to him in many ways – it can be physically, emotionally, etc. I don’t feel like seeing him everyday, missing him, nor addicted to him. Also don’t have the passions to kiss, hug him, etc. No way.
A relationship with a guy in the “Just Friends” box can get complicated when he can’t accept the fact that I don’t want to be his girlfriend. Some guys can be very obsessive and it’s scary. This type of guy feels more challenged when a girl rejects him. As a result, he can send us sms hundred of times a day, call us up thousand of times a day, and when we don’t pick up the phone, he will keep on trying. The worst thing is that he becomes your stalker. Ouch!!!
For this type of guy, it’s very obvious that I can’t stand to be his friend coz he’s simply annoying and scares me as hell. So, how do I react and feel to this obsessive type of “Just Friends”?
• Don’t reply to his sms
• Don’t pick up to his phone calls [maybe I will pick it up once, but not ALL his phone calls]
• Find excuses for any dinner or lunch invitation
• Don’t sound excited on the phone
• Feel annoyed and disturbed
• As much as I can, I don’t want to be in touch with him
• If his behavior is getting worse, I’ll be frank to him and say that he’s already disturbing and it’s better not to contact me anymore [am good at it]
• Will ask him to find a girlfriend or potential gf and stop bothering me.
On the other hand, if the guy can accept the reality and take my offer to be friends, this is how I will react and feel:
• Will be happy to see and share any stories with him
• Will be friendly on the phone
• Will be a good listener for him as well and provide counsel in love department whenever he needs it
• Will treat him as a good friend of mine
• Will respect him for his BIG heart
• As time goes by, I’ll mention about whose inside my Potential Boyfriend box and ask his opinion. It won’t hurt him anymore as he already becomes my best friend
So, as we can see, it’s better off to accept the reality, as we will not loose a friend. Instead, we’ll get a new best friend whom we can share our thoughts with.
Usually, guys don’t realize that their behaviors influence the way the girls’ treat them. Hopefully, the examples above make us realize that all we need is a BIG HEART. Having a big heart enables us to cherish the friendships, without wanting to have more out of it. It simply enables us to see a person from a different perspective… and it’s wonderful, you’ll see ☺.
It also works for me if a guy in the Potential Boyfriend box apparently doesn’t worth it. As I mentioned before, I will move him to the “Just Friends” box right away. By seeing him as a normal friend, my heart feels much more at ease. I don’t wait for his phone calls/sms/email anymore. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t contact me. Just like our friends, we will be happy to talk to them, but they don’t have to call us everyday, right?
So, hearing no news from him is no longer a torture for me. And I feel really good about it. I’ve made a good decision, I think ☺. At the end, I can admire him truly as a friend and feel grateful for that. It means that now I can see him from a different angle… which is much more pleasurable… ☺. Believe me.
So, Potential Boyfriend-Toy Boy-Just Friends, which one is the most difficult to handle? ;)
My answer will be: the Potential Boyfriend. Potential Bf absorbs my attention and energy at most. He can make my world turns upside down, which is not funny at all, if am not in the mood for taking a roller coaster ride. He can make me feel ‘head over hills’ if I know that he has the same strong feelings toward me. Which is a great feeling to have, of course! He can easily turn me down, however, only by a small unfavorable thing that he does. It’s quite exhausting. So, I have to be in a good condition, emotionally, to be able to handle these kinds of stuffs. If he’s really worth all the dizziness, then I’ll take my roller coaster ride ☺.
Well then, I have to excuse myself now. Hopefully the last three posts can entertain everyone who reads it! Take it easy… ☺
When I say, “Let’s just be friends”, it means that I’m not attracted to him in many ways – it can be physically, emotionally, etc. I don’t feel like seeing him everyday, missing him, nor addicted to him. Also don’t have the passions to kiss, hug him, etc. No way.
A relationship with a guy in the “Just Friends” box can get complicated when he can’t accept the fact that I don’t want to be his girlfriend. Some guys can be very obsessive and it’s scary. This type of guy feels more challenged when a girl rejects him. As a result, he can send us sms hundred of times a day, call us up thousand of times a day, and when we don’t pick up the phone, he will keep on trying. The worst thing is that he becomes your stalker. Ouch!!!
For this type of guy, it’s very obvious that I can’t stand to be his friend coz he’s simply annoying and scares me as hell. So, how do I react and feel to this obsessive type of “Just Friends”?
• Don’t reply to his sms
• Don’t pick up to his phone calls [maybe I will pick it up once, but not ALL his phone calls]
• Find excuses for any dinner or lunch invitation
• Don’t sound excited on the phone
• Feel annoyed and disturbed
• As much as I can, I don’t want to be in touch with him
• If his behavior is getting worse, I’ll be frank to him and say that he’s already disturbing and it’s better not to contact me anymore [am good at it]
• Will ask him to find a girlfriend or potential gf and stop bothering me.
On the other hand, if the guy can accept the reality and take my offer to be friends, this is how I will react and feel:
• Will be happy to see and share any stories with him
• Will be friendly on the phone
• Will be a good listener for him as well and provide counsel in love department whenever he needs it
• Will treat him as a good friend of mine
• Will respect him for his BIG heart
• As time goes by, I’ll mention about whose inside my Potential Boyfriend box and ask his opinion. It won’t hurt him anymore as he already becomes my best friend
So, as we can see, it’s better off to accept the reality, as we will not loose a friend. Instead, we’ll get a new best friend whom we can share our thoughts with.
Usually, guys don’t realize that their behaviors influence the way the girls’ treat them. Hopefully, the examples above make us realize that all we need is a BIG HEART. Having a big heart enables us to cherish the friendships, without wanting to have more out of it. It simply enables us to see a person from a different perspective… and it’s wonderful, you’ll see ☺.
It also works for me if a guy in the Potential Boyfriend box apparently doesn’t worth it. As I mentioned before, I will move him to the “Just Friends” box right away. By seeing him as a normal friend, my heart feels much more at ease. I don’t wait for his phone calls/sms/email anymore. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t contact me. Just like our friends, we will be happy to talk to them, but they don’t have to call us everyday, right?
So, hearing no news from him is no longer a torture for me. And I feel really good about it. I’ve made a good decision, I think ☺. At the end, I can admire him truly as a friend and feel grateful for that. It means that now I can see him from a different angle… which is much more pleasurable… ☺. Believe me.
So, Potential Boyfriend-Toy Boy-Just Friends, which one is the most difficult to handle? ;)
My answer will be: the Potential Boyfriend. Potential Bf absorbs my attention and energy at most. He can make my world turns upside down, which is not funny at all, if am not in the mood for taking a roller coaster ride. He can make me feel ‘head over hills’ if I know that he has the same strong feelings toward me. Which is a great feeling to have, of course! He can easily turn me down, however, only by a small unfavorable thing that he does. It’s quite exhausting. So, I have to be in a good condition, emotionally, to be able to handle these kinds of stuffs. If he’s really worth all the dizziness, then I’ll take my roller coaster ride ☺.
Well then, I have to excuse myself now. Hopefully the last three posts can entertain everyone who reads it! Take it easy… ☺
TOY BOY
What is a toy boy? Toy boy/boy toy/boy material/whatever you name it is a non-commitment partner whom I share interests and certain activities together [but not all activities, otherwise, I will put him in a “Potential Boyfriend” box!]
Obviously, a toy boy meets some criteria of a boyfriend to be, but not all. Most of the time, we are just physically attracted. So, it doesn’t influence a deep feeling at all. Far from the “L” word [read: Love].
Based on experiences, my relationship with a toy boy was purely for fun. A toy boy can be so amusing, amazingly gorgeous and good-looking, yet we speak different language, meaning: we don’t share any interests at all or have to think hard on a topic for discussion every time we meet. But, a toy boy can also very fun to be with, share a lot of interests, yet not good enough to be put in a “Potential Boyfriend” box coz either he doesn’t have the same vision of life or he’s not taking life seriously. Not matured enough. It’s pretty tiring to assist, telling what to do, provide solutions to any problem to someone who simply hasn’t matured enough. I’ve been there before and am not going there again. I don’t want to act like a mommy, sorry to say, but that’s not my favorite thing. Instead, I want a guy whom I can rely on when I have problems.. It will be ideal if it works both ways.
Normally, a relationship with a toy boy is very flirtatious. We love to flirt. It’s fun. If I can explain, it’s like a time when a guy tries to approach a girl, tries to do anything that will impress her, vice versa. But, with a toy boy, these things happen continuously. Never stop. Which is fun. Right? ;)
With a toy boy, everything goes very fast. Instant. Why is it like that? It’s because, normally, we both know that the “relationship” doesn’t go anywhere. No future. Realizing it, it makes life easier. That’s why we both can enjoy the companionship to the fullest.
How do I act when meeting a toy boy?
• Flirt [and vice versa!]
• Say yes to any date invitation, but don’t really take it seriously and also, it depends on my mood
• Have a good time together
• Can do stupid things in front of him.. don’t really have to BEHAVE. Hahaha..
• When I’m alone, I don’t think of him. I never bother to think what he’s doing when we don’t see each other [on the contrary, I think a lot about a Potential Boyfriend]
• Will tell him if I there was any guy inside my Potential Boyfriend box.
How do I feel when meeting a toy boy?
• Happy, coz we both enjoy the time that we spend together
• Feel happy when he’s around, but I also feel OK when he’s not around
• Feel OK to contact him first, don’t feel nervous when doing it
• Less sense of urgency, in terms of, e.g.: don’t feel urge to reply to his sms right away [he can wait.. hehehe] ;)
• Don’t feel jealous
• Don’t feel sad if there’s no calls or messages from him [takes everything more easily]
• Will feel bored after sometime.. especially if we meet too often
• Always need a break, especially when the relationship is getting too intense
A lot of my friends [guys] share their love stories and ask for my opinion. Some of them are confused of their Potential Girlfriends’ behavior. The girls seem to like them and show the passions, but when the guys talk about taking a step further [read: going steady, committed relationship], the girls don’t seem interested at all. They refuse ‘the offer’ implicitly. However, they remain sweet and never say NO to any date invitation. Pretty confusing, huh?
Let me tell you something. Girls love to keep their toy boys in the box. So do I. It feels good to have admirers ;) and we don’t want to loose them. That’s why we maintain the sweet relationships with the toy boys. So, if you see any sign that you were treated as a toy boy, it’s up to you whether you still want to continue chasing her and fight till the end [the ultimate goal: be her BOYFRIEND], or to give up and leave her alone. It’s all up to you. Anyway, she won’t miss you that much [ouch! reality bites]. Other choice is accepting the fact that your status is just a toy boy. Look at the bright side: you can also do the same thing. In this case, both parties are happy. Problem’s solved ☺. Full stop.
One can have many toy boys inside the “Toy Boy” box while having a Potential Boyfriend at the same time, as long as the latter hasn’t transformed into a so called boyfriend. So, there are no limitations here and no one can complaint as there are no strings attached.
What I like from having a “Toy Boy” box is that this box can brighten up my day in the middle of the hustle and bustle of my heavy workload, without occupying too much space in my mind. The box is also not powerful enough to influence my emotional feelings. So, when one of the guys from the box is acting like a jerk, annoying or disturbing, it won’t bother me at all [maybe only a bit]. I can always turn around and walk away… But, actually, this thing seldom happens as our days together are normally filled with bright colors, laughter and the three letters: F.U.N. Everything is so light and easy. Which sometimes, that’s what we need. ☺
(next post: what’s inside the “Just Friends” box?) .. to be continue..
Obviously, a toy boy meets some criteria of a boyfriend to be, but not all. Most of the time, we are just physically attracted. So, it doesn’t influence a deep feeling at all. Far from the “L” word [read: Love].
Based on experiences, my relationship with a toy boy was purely for fun. A toy boy can be so amusing, amazingly gorgeous and good-looking, yet we speak different language, meaning: we don’t share any interests at all or have to think hard on a topic for discussion every time we meet. But, a toy boy can also very fun to be with, share a lot of interests, yet not good enough to be put in a “Potential Boyfriend” box coz either he doesn’t have the same vision of life or he’s not taking life seriously. Not matured enough. It’s pretty tiring to assist, telling what to do, provide solutions to any problem to someone who simply hasn’t matured enough. I’ve been there before and am not going there again. I don’t want to act like a mommy, sorry to say, but that’s not my favorite thing. Instead, I want a guy whom I can rely on when I have problems.. It will be ideal if it works both ways.
Normally, a relationship with a toy boy is very flirtatious. We love to flirt. It’s fun. If I can explain, it’s like a time when a guy tries to approach a girl, tries to do anything that will impress her, vice versa. But, with a toy boy, these things happen continuously. Never stop. Which is fun. Right? ;)
With a toy boy, everything goes very fast. Instant. Why is it like that? It’s because, normally, we both know that the “relationship” doesn’t go anywhere. No future. Realizing it, it makes life easier. That’s why we both can enjoy the companionship to the fullest.
How do I act when meeting a toy boy?
• Flirt [and vice versa!]
• Say yes to any date invitation, but don’t really take it seriously and also, it depends on my mood
• Have a good time together
• Can do stupid things in front of him.. don’t really have to BEHAVE. Hahaha..
• When I’m alone, I don’t think of him. I never bother to think what he’s doing when we don’t see each other [on the contrary, I think a lot about a Potential Boyfriend]
• Will tell him if I there was any guy inside my Potential Boyfriend box.
How do I feel when meeting a toy boy?
• Happy, coz we both enjoy the time that we spend together
• Feel happy when he’s around, but I also feel OK when he’s not around
• Feel OK to contact him first, don’t feel nervous when doing it
• Less sense of urgency, in terms of, e.g.: don’t feel urge to reply to his sms right away [he can wait.. hehehe] ;)
• Don’t feel jealous
• Don’t feel sad if there’s no calls or messages from him [takes everything more easily]
• Will feel bored after sometime.. especially if we meet too often
• Always need a break, especially when the relationship is getting too intense
A lot of my friends [guys] share their love stories and ask for my opinion. Some of them are confused of their Potential Girlfriends’ behavior. The girls seem to like them and show the passions, but when the guys talk about taking a step further [read: going steady, committed relationship], the girls don’t seem interested at all. They refuse ‘the offer’ implicitly. However, they remain sweet and never say NO to any date invitation. Pretty confusing, huh?
Let me tell you something. Girls love to keep their toy boys in the box. So do I. It feels good to have admirers ;) and we don’t want to loose them. That’s why we maintain the sweet relationships with the toy boys. So, if you see any sign that you were treated as a toy boy, it’s up to you whether you still want to continue chasing her and fight till the end [the ultimate goal: be her BOYFRIEND], or to give up and leave her alone. It’s all up to you. Anyway, she won’t miss you that much [ouch! reality bites]. Other choice is accepting the fact that your status is just a toy boy. Look at the bright side: you can also do the same thing. In this case, both parties are happy. Problem’s solved ☺. Full stop.
One can have many toy boys inside the “Toy Boy” box while having a Potential Boyfriend at the same time, as long as the latter hasn’t transformed into a so called boyfriend. So, there are no limitations here and no one can complaint as there are no strings attached.
What I like from having a “Toy Boy” box is that this box can brighten up my day in the middle of the hustle and bustle of my heavy workload, without occupying too much space in my mind. The box is also not powerful enough to influence my emotional feelings. So, when one of the guys from the box is acting like a jerk, annoying or disturbing, it won’t bother me at all [maybe only a bit]. I can always turn around and walk away… But, actually, this thing seldom happens as our days together are normally filled with bright colors, laughter and the three letters: F.U.N. Everything is so light and easy. Which sometimes, that’s what we need. ☺
(next post: what’s inside the “Just Friends” box?) .. to be continue..
PoTenTiaL BoyFriEnD, ToY BoY or JuSt FRiEnDS?
Girls react differently to different type of guys. A lot of time guys do not have any idea on how we [girls] think. A lot of time guys get wrong impression from the way we behave. Below are some insights for you guys, so that you have some hints when approaching a girl that you adore ;)
POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND:
When girls meet a guy who is smart, nice, friendly, humorous, independent, easy-going, has a good attitude, and not boring [in the sense of: we can discuss anything with him!], we might want to get to know him better and wish to get closer with him. Especially if the guy meets all the requirements to be our so called boyfriend.
Yes, admit it or not, girls do have some requirements for a BOYFRIEND. Every girl has different criteria and the criteria that I mentioned above are the must-have-characters of my boyfriend to be :).
When meeting the guy who has all the criteria, I have a sort of “alarm” in my mind and will automatically categorize and put him in a “Potential Boyfriend” box... and keep it there.
This is how I normally react when meeting a “Potential Boyfriend”:
• Will be cheerful, even more cheerful than I’m used to
• Will say YES to any dinner invitation
• Will reply to his sms right away [except when I’m on a meeting]
• On the phone, I’ll be a good listener for him
• Will not do any stupid things in front of him
• Being extra careful in whatever I do [this will include kissing scenes and other activities that involves romance] and sometimes playing hard to get [of course, girls don’t want the guy to think that we’re an “easy” type of girls who can easily fall for someone and do anything to make him happy and “satisfied”… well, maybe some girls won’t agree with me, but I believe with the phrase “easy come easy go”. So, I personally won’t do anything that I might regret in the future]
• Will not mention about other guy in the Potential Boyfriend box, if there’s any. [hey, it’s legal to have several candidates!]
How do I feel when I meet my “potential boyfriend”?
• Nervous, that’s for sure!
• Will think twice, three times or even four times before sending sms, phone calls or email to him
• A lot of time I cancelled all the desires and attempts to send sms or to call him
• Feel hesitate to contact him first [I wait for him to contact me first! Maybe it sounds so conservative as we live in a digital age.. heukekeke.. but, hey… I’m just being me!] If at the end I’m the one who contact him first, it must be a result from the action no. 2 [please see the second bullet points]. And believe me, it’s not an easy thing to do!
Lately, I find it difficult to fill in my “Potential Boyfriend” box. I met some of the potential ones, but as time goes by, either I felt bored with them, they didn’t have self-confidence to go after me, or they just wanted to play around. For the first and second type of guy, I will just simply move them from the “Potential Boyfriend” box to “Just Friends” box. But, for the third one, I will move them to another box, which is a “Toy Boy” box.
What is a “Toy Boy”, by the way? (to be continue)
POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND:
When girls meet a guy who is smart, nice, friendly, humorous, independent, easy-going, has a good attitude, and not boring [in the sense of: we can discuss anything with him!], we might want to get to know him better and wish to get closer with him. Especially if the guy meets all the requirements to be our so called boyfriend.
Yes, admit it or not, girls do have some requirements for a BOYFRIEND. Every girl has different criteria and the criteria that I mentioned above are the must-have-characters of my boyfriend to be :).
When meeting the guy who has all the criteria, I have a sort of “alarm” in my mind and will automatically categorize and put him in a “Potential Boyfriend” box... and keep it there.
This is how I normally react when meeting a “Potential Boyfriend”:
• Will be cheerful, even more cheerful than I’m used to
• Will say YES to any dinner invitation
• Will reply to his sms right away [except when I’m on a meeting]
• On the phone, I’ll be a good listener for him
• Will not do any stupid things in front of him
• Being extra careful in whatever I do [this will include kissing scenes and other activities that involves romance] and sometimes playing hard to get [of course, girls don’t want the guy to think that we’re an “easy” type of girls who can easily fall for someone and do anything to make him happy and “satisfied”… well, maybe some girls won’t agree with me, but I believe with the phrase “easy come easy go”. So, I personally won’t do anything that I might regret in the future]
• Will not mention about other guy in the Potential Boyfriend box, if there’s any. [hey, it’s legal to have several candidates!]
How do I feel when I meet my “potential boyfriend”?
• Nervous, that’s for sure!
• Will think twice, three times or even four times before sending sms, phone calls or email to him
• A lot of time I cancelled all the desires and attempts to send sms or to call him
• Feel hesitate to contact him first [I wait for him to contact me first! Maybe it sounds so conservative as we live in a digital age.. heukekeke.. but, hey… I’m just being me!] If at the end I’m the one who contact him first, it must be a result from the action no. 2 [please see the second bullet points]. And believe me, it’s not an easy thing to do!
Lately, I find it difficult to fill in my “Potential Boyfriend” box. I met some of the potential ones, but as time goes by, either I felt bored with them, they didn’t have self-confidence to go after me, or they just wanted to play around. For the first and second type of guy, I will just simply move them from the “Potential Boyfriend” box to “Just Friends” box. But, for the third one, I will move them to another box, which is a “Toy Boy” box.
What is a “Toy Boy”, by the way? (to be continue)
Small Thing that Made Me Happy
Yesterday evening, when I was reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time" by Mark Haddon, suddenly my cellphone was bipping. It was a text message from my friend in Edinburgh, Scotland. The content made me happy. Very. It was such a surprising message. Guess what? He's coming to Bandung on Monday to start teaching English!!!
Oh my God! I was so surprised, yet happy and excited! Couldn't believe that he was that serious in pursuing his will on teaching English in Asia! Wow. Two thumbs up for him! :)
His name is John. He was my colleague when I studied in Amsterdam. We went to the same university, but different major. Couple of months ago, he mentioned about his desire to become an English teacher. Then he took a course for English teaching to get a license or certificate. This certificate will smoothen his path to teach English abroad. He told me that he's interested in teaching English somewhere in Asia. So, I told him to consider Indonesia as one of the choices. And.. he did :).
One day, he sent me sms and told me that he got a job interview in Bandung (the interview was conducted over the phone). He asked me about the city as he remembered that I got my bachelor degree from a uni there. (such a good memory he has, I spoke to my self)
So I described the city and what I loved most about it.... at that time, I didn't expect that he was really about to take the job there!!!
It was raining hard outside, but I was so happy to know the fact that one of my colleagues is coming to Indonesia. Am still happy and excited now. It would be nice to meet him again after almost 2 years! Didn't imagine before that we would meet in Indonesia, my home country... not in Europe :D. Such a cool surprise. I just hope that he'd love Bandung and feel comfortable working there... :) (otherwise, I would feel bad, huh?) Oh, fortunately Bandung isn't far away from Jakarta, so we could hang out together just like when we were studying in Amsterdam. Nice!!
Ah well... another friend of mine just proved that the phrase "When there is a will, there is a way" does work. If you want something so bad, u'll better fight for it... and u will eventually get it ;) ...
CIA YO!!! ^-^
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