... WAITING ...



I have a big question mark in my head for the past 2.5 years.

I have it always...

Sometimes it appears in my dreams

Not only once... but several times..

Yes, it's quiet annoying, but I can't do anything about it...



I don't have the guts to bring the question up to this real world

I let it stays in my mind, in my brain, and in my heart

Let it just be a question for myself...

until it becomes a big mistery in my life...



Three days ago...

I decided to bring the question up to this unpredictable world

Let it be born

In the middle of spring time...



I feel relieved

I feel free

... from the heavy confrontation that has been struggling in my mind

Now I don't care..

I'm just gonna wait...

Wait for what is gonna come next



Another questions appear

What does the implication of my action?

How can I know that everything is going to be better?

What if it's just gonna make everything worst?

...



Well.. I don't know...

What I know for sure is...

.. that I feel relieved ...



Now, every morning I wake up

and wonder...

would I get the answer today?

... or ...

perhaps... NEVER ?



...I have no clue...

EASTER DAY

Last Sunday was my second Easter Day here in The Netherlands. I still remember last year I celebrated Easter Day in Groningen, together with my ex-boyfriend and other Indonesian students who studied in that "quiet" city. Last year, we played an "eggs hunting" game and it was very fun! We did it in the Central Park and it was more like "cari jejak" that reminded me of my PRAMUKA time. Hahahhaa...

.. and... this year... I went to the church, unfortunately the mass was in Dutch. Of course, as u might guess, I didn't understand anything ! Fortunately, God was still kind to me... as he provided me with an amazing choir. So, at least.. I didn't fall asleep ! =D During the mass, I looked carefully into my surrounding. Hmm.. there were some young people sitting next to me. Not bad.. coz normally I only saw old men and grannies...
Yes, everytime I go to Dutch mass, I always wonder.. where are those young people? Do they still believe in God? Or... they only start to believe in God when they're almost running out of "time" ??? *when the death time is ticking, they suddenly realize that God does exist!* Scarry.

When I arrived at home, after the mass, I saw my cousins and their friends were busy painting the eggs. Yes, we're gonna play the "eggs hunting" game! I found it funny that this "eggs hunting" game is so popular and even old people are still into this game. Perhaps it's more like a family tradition. =) I love it, anyway. So, I thought that... even though we're growing older, we still always have some childish soul inside and sometimes we need that to keep us young. =)

It is a pity that older people in Jakarta do not play this simple game anymore. As far as I remember, the last time I played this "eggs hunting" game was 22 years ago. Yes, I was in the kindergarten at that time. Since then, I never experienced it again. Perhaps it is also because the game was picked up from the Western "culture". So, it's not that popular in Jakarta or Indonesia in general. However, it's a pity because Easter would be more fun if all members of the family are playing this game together. I believe, this simple (and perhaps sounds stupid) game would create stronger feelings of togetherness, despite all the fun and laughter that might embrace and coloured the holy day. =)

I am just concerned about how older people in Jakarta are taking their life too serious. They forget how simple and stupid things can brighten up their day... be creative, express your self ! It is okay to play "petak umpet" with your friends, no matter how old are you, as long as it gives a BIG SMILE and LAUGHTER in your face... =)

cheers...

Hi everyone ! I'm Nila. Thanks for visiting my blog. Well... actually I haven't been writing for such a long time (yes.. I'm a lazy girl !), however I just wanted to share my thoughts with you guys... hope u'll find it interesting or at least.. entertaining... hahaha ! (or.. it could be also depressing or forces u to think hard ?!)

Anyway... enjoy reading my journals... and remember, Life is beautiful... although sometimes there is a downhill, there's always be an uphill =) Think positive!



love, NiLa.