MiRaCLeS

Do you believe in miracles?
I do.

I notice that some people don’t believe in miracles, but that’s ok. I will not try to persuade anyone to change his/her perception. It’s his/her call.

Why am I discussing about miracles now? I don’t know. I’m just sitting here @ my bedroom and thinking about how funny my life is. Hehehe.. and suddenly I remember that sometimes-weird things happened. Unexplainable ones…

There was a time when I was actively involved in two charity clubs. Ramadhan season was the busiest season for me, even though I’m not a Moslem. Every week at least there were two orphanages that we visited (one orphanage for each charity club). One time, we were planning to take numbers of orphans to break the fast at a fast food restaurant. Everything was settled: the venue, numbers of children, the meals, etc. Everything, except the transportation. We were preparing this from weeks ahead, but at that time we had difficulties in finding public transportation to rent. Every single day I received such hopeless reports from my colleagues.

Damn! What should we do? We already tried everything, but the result was zero. One day before the D-day, I was sitting alone in my office feeling hopeless. Didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know to whom I should ask for a favor anymore. Didn’t have any idea how would we solve this issue.

But, suddenly, my phone rang. A woman’s voice greeted me and said, “Hello, is this Nila? I heard that your charity club is having an event tomorrow. I’m just wondering whether I could contribute something”.

Then I said, “Oh yeah.. sure. Anything will do. But, honestly, we still don’t have any transportation to take the orphans to the venue and take them back to their orphanage…”

The woman on the other line said, “Ahh.. what a coincidence! I own a transportation company. I have some busses that you can use. How many busses do you need?”

I said, “One or two busses should be enough, depends on the seats. How much should we pay for one bus? And do you also provide a driver?”

She said, “Ohhh Nila.. don’t worry. I’ll give it for free. Just tell me how many busses do you need? I will also provide the drivers. You can use the busses as long as you want. The drivers will take those kids to the venue, wait there and then take them back to their place”.

…

Speechless. I couldn’t believe what I just heard.
She offered me everything for free. I didn’t even know her and I had no idea how she knew my mobile number. Perhaps she got my number from our website, but hey… what a coincidence that she called up just at the right time!

I was stunned. Still speechless after hang up the phone and felt so relieved at the same time. The phone call was the answer of my prayer. I thanked God for that… big time.

The next day, there were two busses parking in front of our meeting place, complete with the drivers, ready to serve us.

And I stood there. Amazed. Felt blessed and couldn’t stop thinking how lucky we were!
At that time, I realized that God would always help us, thus, we shouldn’t worry about anything.

This story also reminded me of a phrase, “Don’t be afraid of tomorrow. God is already there”.

I always remember this phrase whenever I feel worried, nervous, or afraid of something. It convinces me that everything is going to be just fine… ☺ Even in the most difficult situation, He would be there to help us.

Everything is possible. So, don’t lose faith. Miracles do exist, even in this insane world ☺. At least that’s what I think. The story above is only one simple true story that happened in my life. There are many more… and still more to come ☺

as time goes by
I never known why I'm here

just remembering when I slept with cold
without any expectation for gold

I just need a friend
who talk to me without bluff

honest
passion
cheerful and peace

friend
is more valuable than anything
including you are
my friend, my nice one

by Totot, an old friend of mine :)

ConveyinG The RighT SiGnaLs

This time I wanna share something about conveying the right signals to other people. Do you guys notice that sometimes we convey wrong signals to other people and at the end those people get totally wrong ideas on what we want or how we feel?

I do that sometimes as well. For example, I was bored as hell in the middle of a conversation with someone but I still put a smile on my face. I acted as if I was interested to what he said, in which wasn’t true. I wasn’t even listening! It’s called pseudo-listening. And it’s not a good thing because the other person will think that we understand the topic and interested in it. It will make him talk even more about the boring topic. Oh no!!! Of course it will be the last thing on earth that we wish for at that very moment, aight? :p

I still remember one day I had drinks with my new friend. It was 5.30pm and we had nice conversations until we were hungry and wanted to grab something to eat. Then we went to a nice restaurant and had dinner there. Again, we discussed about everything, from books to philosophical stuffs. Quite a serious conversation actually, but it was nice. When I looked at my watch, it was midnight already! Wow, time flies and I had an appointment with my friends to go clubbing. Hehehe.. He wanted to join us as he claimed that he also loved to party.

But then, you know what… it turned out to be a disaster, because even in the club, he was still insisting to discuss about books and those serious stuffs! Topics that I didn’t want to discuss in a CLUB! Can you imagine, at 3am in the morning he was still trying to impress me with his intelligence, while what I wanted to do at that time was dancing with my friends?? Especially when the DJ was playing my favorite tracks! Oh my goodness… it was terrible! And I couldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to hurt him. So, I could only stand there, trying to listen to him and nodding once in a while, acting as if he was discussing something that could draw my interests.

Wrong decision!

I wouldn’t suggest you to do the same as it would only torture you. Well, sometimes I left him alone with my friend, while I went to see my other friends who were standing at the other side of the club. I did that couple of times, but he just couldn’t read between the lines. Yup. Sometimes people aren’t sensitive and cannot read between the lines. In that case, we should tell them bluntly on how we feel and don’t give wrong body language. Pseudo-listening isn’t recommended.

Last night my friend told me that he lost interest on his girlfriend. Yet, the funny thing is that his girlfriend had no idea whatsoever on what he felt. She was still feeling head over heals toward their relationship. *Some people just cannot read between the lines*
But, perhaps, could it also be because of he didn’t convey the right signal to his girlfriend? It’s possible.

He didn’t want to hurt her. That was the reason. That’s why he gave “wrong” signals to his girlfriend, acted as if he was still into her. No wonder his girlfriend got a totally wrong idea on how he felt toward her. Ooopsssieee..
Terrible. Indeed. I felt sorry for his girlfriend, and him.

So, I told him that he should be honest to his girlfriend. Of course it might hurt her, but it would happen eventually, sooner or later. The sooner the better. “And stop conveying the wrong signal to your girlfriend”, I said. Because it would hurt her even more when she found out that everything was fake.

From our conversation last night, I realized how important it is to deliver the right signal to other people. It’s better to say what we want and express what we think clearly. It’s ok to be straight-forward. As direct as as the Dutch. Hehehe.. I prefer that way. Especially knowing that some people just are not sensitive and have difficulties in reading between the lines.

We don’t want my friend’s experience happens in our life, do we? ;)

So, I try to keep this sentence in mind: “If I don’t convey the right signals, the right body language, the right message to other people, then I’ll be in trouble”. Ouch! Dangerous!

BaLi, LomBoK and GiLi TraWanGaN - SuMMer HoLiDaY 2006

Hey guys, I'd love to share some pictures of my summer holiday (yeah right, it's always summer here in Indonesia!) in Bali, Lombok and Gili Trawangan. I guess the pictures speak for themselves! ;)

If you haven't been to Lombok and Gili Trawangan island, you should try to visit these islands! Breathtaking views, untouched beauty... virgin beaches with white sands and mountains as the background of the whole picture... mmmmm.. imagine yourself being there! Definitely the perfect places to lay back and relax. Enjoy summer time, everyone... let's get some tanned! ;)


top: Dreamland, Bali


top: Senggigi Beach, Lombok




top: Mount Agung and the sunset view from Lombok


top: The boat that took me to Gili Trawangan from Lombok (it took 1.5 hours from the Senggigi Beach). So, this was the view when I just arrived in Gili Trawangan island. Beautiful. Definitely.


top: My favorite picture so far. Gili Trawangan.


top: Gili Trawangan's kids chilling out


top: The sunset and the rain next to it. Gili Trawangan. Amazing!


top: Gili Trawangan


top: It's me! hehehe.. *narcist* Last day in Gili Trawangan

with love,

"BEING 30"

Two weeks ago I became 30. For those who are above 30, you must laugh at my age and say, “Oohh.. you’re still a baby, don’t worry, dear.. 30s is wonderful”. But, for those who haven’t reached this age yet, you must be wondering how does it feel of being 30?

For a woman, being 30 is quite a big deal coz now we cannot say that we’re 20s anymore.
Some of my girl friends who are on the same age like me were worried by the fact that now we’re “that young” anymore. I guess, for me, it depends on how we see it and from whose perspectives. If you ask a girl in her 17, of course she will say, “Oh my God, you’re so old”. But if you ask a woman in her 40s, then she will say, “Darling, you’re at the best age of being a woman” ☺.

In my own dictionary of semiology, I see 30 as being more matured, sophisticated, more wise, still young.. .and also it reflects opportunities.
Matured because obviously I’m not a teenager anymore. Wise, because I’ve been through some precious experiences throughout my life. Young, because I think there are still lots of opportunities and lessons to be learned in life… and I feel young because I haven’t experienced them all..
I’ll take my time, as I will not pick fruit while it is still green…

I remember sitting in my bedroom before midnight on my birthday and thought about what have I done and happened in life. I felt blessed and grateful for all the wonderful things in my life, since I was a kid (of course I couldn’t remember how did it feel like when I was a baby. I think my memory of my childhood started when I was 3 years old. Still remember my 3rd birthday party, when I had “bisul” on my forehead because I used to eat too much eggs :P). I felt grateful for having lovely parents and interesting brothers (I said interesting coz both of them have totally different personalities and sometimes I have to argue with them on certain things), for being able to go to school in Jakarta til high school, for the 4 years of student life in Bandung, for the 2 years living in Amsterdam surrounded by people from all over the world, for the wonderful friends with different characters everywhere, for the achievements, jobs and everything. Also for the problems and difficulties in life as they taught me on how to deal with obstacles and make me wiser (amen!).

Every single thing is meaningful. Even in times of difficulties, I see it as an opportunity to grow myself. Of course sometimes I make mistake and have to pay the price for it. And it ain't easy. Or sometimes, some of us feel that we’re wasting time for doing something only to end back where we started. For me, everything happens for a reason. There must be something that I have to learn behind everything. The key is not to allow myself to be discouraged.
Always takes everything as a challenge and opportunity to become a better person, a better human being in this planet. A better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, a better colleague, a better partner (once I have a bf.. hehe!), as I believe that each individual action affects everyone on the planet. And I am what I am now also because of them. Although of course I have some basic characters, they take part in in building my personalities and characters as well. So, I’m very grateful for that. Thankful for meeting and interacting with everyone whom I’ve met and taught me about the beauty of life.

So, being 30 is a good thing, as it will provide me with more opportunities and unexpected things that might come along the way, yet with more clarity. And I can’t wait to experience what’s more to come… also to see more pieces of God’s elements in every single person that I meet…

"Warrior Of The Light"

Every Warrior of the Light has felt afraid of going into battle
Every Warrior of the Light has, at some time in the past, lied or betrayed someone
Every Warrior of the Light has trodden a path that was not his
Every Warrior of the Light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons
Every Warrior of the Light has, at least once, believed that he was not a Warrior of the Light
Every Warrior of the Light has failed in his spiritual duties
Every Warrior of the Light has said "yes" when he wanted to say "no"
Every Warrior of the Light has hurt someone he loved

That is why he is a Warrior of the Light, because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is...


*"Warrior of The Light: A Manual", by Paulo Coelho*

“IF I KNEW THAT I WOULD DIE SOON..”

Sunday, April 23, 2006 5:30am

Just got back from DJ Tiesto’s (the world’s number 1 dj at the moment, he’s from Holland) performance @ Pantai Carnival, Ancol with Ingkan, Sabrina, Nadia, Marthijn. Fifi and Eba. We had a blast there! Loved the music. Well done, Tiesto! ☺ You’ve entertained all of us here in Jakarta! (huehehe… as if he reads this blog :P, hey.. who knows!) ;)

I don’t feel sleepy yet. My eyes are still wide open. I feel like writing something, but there are too many topics in my head that can be discussed here. Hmm.. OK, let’s discuss about “death”.

As human beings, we are attached with some values, rules, ethics, etc. There are things that we are not allowed to do, or at least, people would consider it as a negative thing, or even a taboo. Things that can make us feel ashamed of doing, because other people think so.
In life, we care so much about pride, ego and image. What will people think about us, if we do …? This question pops up so many times in our mind now and then.

Now. The question is… what if you happen to know that you will die in two months?
What will you do then? I think, if that happens to me, I will do lots of things that I’ve never done before but always wanted to do (of course!, that’s an easy answer and I’m sure most people will have the same answer)

But this time, I will not write down all the things that I’d like to do in those short two months period, coz the list will be loooong :p. Hehhee..

I think, the most important thing to realize is that all of a sudden, the importance of keeping my pride and ego at a certain level is vanished! All of a sudden, I don’t care of what other people will think. I don’t care whether my actions will embarrassed myself and make my pride goes down to the lowest level. I won’t care.
For example, I will tell the guy whom I love so much, but never have the guts to tell him my feelings all these time only because I’m holding too much on my pride and ego. This time, I won’t care. Those kinds of things are not an issue anymore. I will soon be dead anyway. I’ve got nothing to loose. So, why bother about pride and ego?

I’m wondering, if everyone doesn’t really care about pride, ego and image so much, then the world will be a nicer place to live. Everyone will be more honest and sincere to each other, there’s nothing to hide, no masks to put on, everything is transparent. People can tell truth to each other (even if they’re corrupted! But if we go further, actually, they corrupt because they want to build a high profile image in the society. They want to be seen wealthy, although in fact they aren’t! So, if they can be proud of their true identity and accepted by the society just as they are… no different treatment or whatsoever in the society, then there’s no need to corrupt, they can be more honest to everyone… and most importantly to themselves..). People can express themselves better, for example, kissing the same sex on the street (so, the gay community doesn’t have to worry on the society’s negative judgment toward gay issues), criticizing the government without having the fear to be kidnapped or getting “warning” from the company that we work for being too vocal in criticizing the management, and so on and so forth.

If that happens, then I think the world will be livelier! I’m not talking whether everything will be more organized, but at least we can be more honest and the relationships between each human being is more sincere and pure. We listen to our heart more and act like a child, in the sense of honesty and purity. No tricky and mind games coz simply there’s no need to have one. Everything is transparent. Although sometimes it hurts to know the truth, but time will heal. Like a child, we cry out loud when we’re in pain, but after that, we stop crying and go back to the playing ground again. Start laughing with friends and new friends… discovering new things together with them.. or even alone.

So, why can’t we be like a child anymore? As time goes by, we become grown ups and busy with tight schedules. Our life suddenly surrounded by certain values, norms, unwritten rules. Things that we should and shouldn’t do nor say to maintain our pride, ego and image. Yet, back to the first question on this post, when your time is up, will you still bother about pride, ego and image anymore? Are these things still important to you as you’ll soon be dead anyway? …